<3

I painted this for Seth yesterday...




School starts tomorrow. Whaaat?

Spring brings new things?

I've discovered a few new things about myself:

1) I love to paint. I'm not very good, but I love it. It's a peaceful hobby. And here is where I discovered my love for watercolor painting...




2) I used to hate cats. My mom rescued this little kitten a couple months ago and it's the sweetest cat alive. It has respiratory problems and sneezes all the time, but it's cooler than your cat. Mom named her Maddie....... how original. Kenzie and I came up with something ten times better... Wittlekittychickenlittlekissybaby. Jealous?


3) Within the last 3 weeks I have spent over $200 on random items. Clothes, gas, food, gas, food gas. So now my checking account holds roughly $470. Yikes. I might be in trouble soon....



Since I don't have any bad news, I'll tell you the good news:


Seth's mom (Marie) told him that I can move up there after he graduates and live with them until we save up enough money to get our own apartment. That is the best news I've receieved in awhile. Seriously. It's perfect. But here is even more perfect news.... After Seth's bro ho gets married this summer, him and his fiance are buying a house, soooo Abe (the bro ho) said we could move into the apartment that they live in now.......AND possibly not pay rent. AND if we do pay rent it would only be around $200. Damn... I'm excited :).

Walk towards the light

Sometimes I feel the need to be on my own. Alone. Away. It's whatever though. In my heart I feel mature enough to live on my own and do everything by myself. But my actions and words speak a different story. "Feeling short of stable."

Stop this timebomb on yourself.


Seth and i went to the movies yesterday. The Last House on the Left. Unbelievably disturbing. If you know me you know that getting raped is one of my biggest fears. This movie had the most terrifying rape scene. It honestly made me want to walk out of the theater and not even want to watch the rest of the movie. I almost cried. I almost threw up. I do not reccommend this movie to anyone. Aside from the rape scene, it is just a bunch of blood and nasty ways of killing people. That one scene is going to haunt me for a long time...

There is more to this world than you could ever imagine. A love so pure, wanting to lift you up.


I want another tattoo. Something meaningful. The wings I have now are meaningful but I dont think I've honestly ever explained them to anyone. I got them because for some reason I feel like they'll give me the strength to fly to Heaven when I die. You can think I'm dumb, it's okay. It's not your tattoo is it? I want my next one to be two lily flowers on my shoulder with the words "A love so pure.." somewhere around them. Those are lyrics from the band For Today that you probably have never listened to. They're a Christian band and they are amazing...

A love so pure... fixes broken hearts, fixes broken lives

At a loss for words...

I haven't blogged in a few days. And nothing exciting has happened. I go to school. I go to work. I go to Seth's. School and work are terrible habits to get into. I want to drop out. But then where would I get in life? No where. Especially during these times. The health field is the only thing that will allow me to make enough money to survive in a few years. So whatever. I suppose I'll stay in school and try to pass? Ugh. And work. A whole nother story. I hate it. Yeah I make money, and I'm thrilled to even have a job right now, but I calculated that I make roughly $50 a week.......... possibly a little more. $50? Yikes. Where is that going to get? To school and work every day of the week. My paychecks go to gas. And my saved money will now go to a cell phone bill. Those are the bad things about being an "adult".

The good part is Seth. I hope that when people read this theyre not thinking "ew she'll get her heartbroken blah blah blaaah." It's happened. Seth has stabbed me in the heart. And he's patched the wound back together. I'm glad my relationship with him is so unperfect. It's helped me to figure out who I am, who he is, and who we are together. Ok I'm sorry for talking about it. Some people are probably gaging while reading this so I'll quit.

I got an 80 on my anatomy lab test today. F yeah. That's the best test score I've gotten through this whole quarter in that class. English is finally over with. Only two finals next week and I'll be on spring break. And a break will be amazing (aside from going to work). So until then I'm sure I'll have nothing to write about....

March? Spring? Warm weather?

Seasonal depression has come to an end. YES. What a joy it is to sit on the steps with a nice breeze hitting me in the face and my dog prancing and sniffing around the yard. I love it. But here is a little story... Last uhhh Monday or Tuesday, I dont remember, I had to make a little stop at my dads house. I had to pick up important papers like Kenzie's birth certificate, social security card, and insurance cards. And some other not-so-important items. After my dad and I (who had not talked for at least a month and a half) loaded everything into my car, he turns to me and says, "Well Jord, I wish things could have worked out differently." I replied, "Yeah, me too." And he continues, "But if you ever get into trouble or if you get stranded, shame on you if you don't call us." (UHH YOU'RE THE ONES THAT KICKED ME OUT). So I said, "I dont have a phone." (BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONES THAT TURNED IT OFF). And he says, in a piss-ass tone, "Uh I'm sure you'll get one soon." WELL THANK YOU DAD FOR BEING RIGHT. Kenzie and I are getting new phones tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled. I honestly haven't been this excited in a very long time. How pathetic is that ha ha. Oh well. My social life will increase a tad (maybe), it's not like I honestly talked to a bunch of people 3 months ago when I had a phone. OH WELL. This is a good day.

early in the morning, wake up to a bright blue sky

The Good News:

1) I'm feeling less and less stressed out about everything that has been going on. I can breathe. I get beyond excited to just go home and relax. Where I was before didn't exactly give me that chance. I love coming home to my sister and hearing how her day went and then telling her about mine. I love talking to my mom about whatever goes on. I love... life.

2) I'm making decisions for me. I do not care what you're opinion is. I regret some of the things I've done, but where I am now is better than where I was.

3) I love my life. No matter what happens. I'm very content with where I'm at right now. I feel extremely blessed to have the relationships I have. I wouldn't change anything... except



The Bad News:

1) My grades are still down. All I want to do is prove a few people wrong. I want to shove it in their faces that I can be on my own and be successful on my own without their thoughts or opinions on anything. The one thing I should be able to do is get my grades up... Hmm.

2) I'm really starting to hate my job. It's easy, which is nice. On the other hand, it's boring. Really boring. And I don't think I can handle it anymore. I want to work at a hospital or a nursing home. I want to wear scrubs. Haaa. I want to have a job where I can stay busy the whole time, instead of just stand around and feel like I'm wasting my life away.

3) Money has always been an issue. I don't know how to fix it. I stopped my shopping rampages. I basically only buy gas. So where is my money? I don't know either.